7 things I think I think about convention this week:
- Hillary will change her hairstyle each day, daring reporters to write about about her appearance.
- Lincoln Chafee will issue a statement saying he is outraged that the DNC rigged the primary against him. Jim Webb will grumble something inaudible and pour himself another scotch.
- Tim Kaine will reveal that he also speaks Inuit, helping Hillary lock up the Eskimo vote.
- Michelle Obama will begin her speech by saying “Four score and… just kidding everyone.”
- Bernie delegates will insist that those with floor seats ought to buy dinner for those in the nosebleeds.
- Joe Biden will sneak into the crowd and start a “4 more years!” chant during Obama’s speech.
- Instead of balloons, a glass ceiling will shatter onto the crowd after Hillary wraps up her speech.
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